It’s better to have loved and lost…especially when you were the only one loving.
People want to get over a crush for different reasons: the crush has got someone else, they’re not nice to you, they’re not a good person, they don’t like you that way or at all…
This morning, a friend of mine just came to the conclusion that a guy she’s been crushing does not like her back. At this point, we’re both starting the morning on a bit of a downer. So now’s the time to initiate Plan G: Get Over Him and Move On.
It’s one of those things in the “easier said than done” category. So I’ve come up with some ideas as to how to move from unrequited love to “I’m sorry. What’s your name, love?”
I’ve heard some ways to get over a crush from other people, and I think they’re all rubbish! Stuff like, “hang around them and you’ll see their negative qualities,” or “make a list of pros and cons….” I would never take that advice. It may sound “logical,” but I think it’s trash when dealing with real people and real emotional attachments.
So here’s some things that normal people can do and that may actually help.
1) Write him/her a goodbye letter or poem. You’ve probably been thinking about your crush everyday for some time now. But now you have to exorcise that person from your thoughts once and for all. One way to do this is to put your final feelings on paper for some closure. Yes, you may see this person again in your day-to-day, but your mild obsession is at an end.
If you need to be reminded of that end every now and then, you can go back to the physical proof of the mental break up. Read it again, and regain your resolve to lay those amorous thoughts down to their eternal sleep. Clean break. Fresh start.
2) Get away from the unrequited. It’s best to create some distance between you and the ex-crush. Physical distance must be established. Two weeks is the least amount of time to stay gone, but longer is better — a month even. Take a vacation. Why not?
This time is not for them to notice that you are missing. This time is for you to gain some perspective. You can live and have fun without pining over this person night and day. People don’t say, “out of sight; out of mind” for no reason. It works. Don’t see them, call them, text them, ask about them, check their Facebook status or their Twitter feed… nothing. This is a purge. You need to get away from the unrequited and get them out of your system. Seriously.
However, if you have no choice but to be around this person, then speak to them as little as possible. Still keep as much physical distance as you can. Don’t be around them if you don’t have to be. Even if they engage you, don’t maintain long conversations with them. Tell them that you are contagiously sick and they should keep away from you. That will help. I know you’ve gotten used to the pain of being so close to the one you can’t touch, but you have to snap out of the temptation to torture yourself. Once you get away, it’ll be easier to stay away.
3) Accept the truth and don’t do anything you’ll regret. By that, I mean, “stay away from your ex-crush!” If you get angry or sad, try these suggestions on how to reduce stress. But I do not recommend expressing your feelings to the unrequited. You’ve already said goodbye in #1. Don’t regress. You don’t want them to see you upset over them, so again: “stay away!”
The truth is that you deserve better. Did you get that? You DESERVE better. And there is better out there for you. Everyday, I see people booed-up together everywhere I go. That means, it’s possible to find someone who will like you back.
You’ll regret wasting any more time longing for someone who doesn’t see your value. You’ll regret not seeing yourself for the treasure that you are. You may be a diamond in the rough, but you’re still a diamond. So let’s cut through all the crap. Stop lying to yourself. The truth is, this unrequited love is really just “un-love.” So let it go, like the vapor it is.
I know it may sound harsh, but there’s no such thing as “star-crossed” love. We’re not in a Shakespearean play. And even if we were… do you really want to be either Romeo or Juliet? That story only ends one way. I repeat: you deserve better and you can get better. Accept it as truth.
4) Occupy your time with something new. Get a hobby. Start a new job. Join a club or a gym. You need to occupy your time and mental ability with new challenges. This is not the time to get someone new (that will only cause more problems at the moment). Just find out more about the weekend classes at the Pottery Barn downtown, dance lessons at the nearest studio, or take up martial arts training. Start working crossword puzzles, Sudoku, or word finds in your spare time. Not only will this make you more interesting and give you more character, you’ll have something else to think about instead of the ex-crush.
This step is otherwise known as “getting a life,” and if you can’t do anything else, you most definitely have to do this: get a life…outside of the unrequited. That’s what all of this is for. Who knows? You might finally meet the right person for you. But give it some time. You’ve got to get over the other before you start another.
5) Tell a friend. You need someone to hold you accountable. Chances are, your friend is already on board for you to move on. So whenever you feel weak, phone up someone you trust and get them to talk you back down to reality. You need your feet on the ground if you’re ever going to enjoy the benefit of mutual affection.
NOTE: It’s okay to remember the good times with your ex-crush (if you have some in your memory), but just recognize that those times are in the past. It’s like when you opened your presents last Christmas: a great time, but over and done with. There will be another Christmas with new presents to open. Don’t cling to the old presents if they’re broken and worn and causing you pain. Throw them out to make room for the new.
***This has been a public service announcement from your friendly, neighborhood writer***
Take heed, and learn to love yourself first, before trying to love another. I know you can do it!
Until next week,
Live, Love, Learn.