You’ve probably heard of the “power of positive thinking.” And like me, your knee-jerk reaction might be an exaggerated eye roll.

I’ve often struggled with the idea of being positive for Positivity’s sake. Not that I’m a pessimist (I’ve grown out of that unfortunate condition), but I have become proud of my ability to embrace the unfavorable realities of any given situation. There may be possible positive outcomes of which to be aware, but preparing for disaster can’t be so terrible, right? Or maybe it’s just a defense mechanism to protect me from being hurt when hope doesn’t manifest into something tangible.

Regardless of my immediate rejection to the idea, I’ve reasoned that “being positive” is beneficial. So what is the benefit of being a positive person? Truthfully, negative thinking and being negative takes energy that it doesn’t give back. Negativity leads to questions like, “Why even try?” rather than “How can I do better?” Plus, people are attracted to positive energy — not just good actions, but that intangible something that emanates from inside. Positivity starts at the core and radiates out until it touches those near you. Yes, by pointing my mind and emotions toward a positive direction, I might become a more positive being, influencing others toward a similar same path.

So how, in the face of a surmounting series of unfortunate events, can I ever choose to turn a blind eye to circumstance and extend an open hand to being positive? I’ve come up with a few points-of-view that I will adopt to start to change my perspective (in lieu of changing my circumstance).

1) Count My Blessings
Whenever I’m reminded of all the things that I am without, I will force myself to think of things that I am fortunate to have. It’s actually not that hard to do, when you try. I don’t just mean, “I’m glad that I’m alive.” But I think about how many people in the world work so much harder than me for so much less than I have. I have parents who love and support me, no matter how pathetic I feel or how many times I think I fail. I never have to worry about where to sleep, what to eat, or how to stay safe. I don’t have much money at all, but somehow I’m able to have hobbies, and often I can participate in entertainment whenever I want.

Who loves you? What luxuries do you have? Maybe you have a pet that always anticipates your arrival home. Maybe you live in the country with plenty of room to run and play, or you live near the ocean and can take a swim everyday. You always get to have your morning coffee. You have stable employment or you’re unemployed but you never miss a meal. There are so many things to be grateful for that inconveniences like traffic, personal grudges, and office drama can’t outnumber.  And when you choose to take-in peaceful moments, enjoy your food when you eat it, breathe the air deeply, and laugh freely, even loneliness can’t outweigh the blessings we previously overlooked. Don’t let your first-world problems be first class agitators. To a great extent, you do control the seating chart of the issues in your life. And your blessings are yours to hold on to or to give away.
Stop complaining; start counting.

2) Accept the Love and Kindness I’m Given
Everyone has something that chases them. That one invisible, unwanted thing that causes bad feelings and thoughts to plague you. Some call it the monkey on your back or the demon on your shoulder. In my case, Loneliness has been my dogged pursuer. I always struggle to move out of its reach. So, I’ve decided to look through it toward the things that seek to negate its existence.

I have always been loved by my parents. And though some people have been dismissive of me, others have been kind. Whenever someone is kind to me, I remember it, especially, when I feel alone. Meaningful relationships are few, but those who have seen fit to hold on to me, I must treasure them.

I continue to do what I can to change my situation into something desirable. Am I disappointed when my efforts crumble? YES! I get frustrated at the futility of it all. When kindness refuses to come in ways I’d hoped, I’m distraught. When Opportunity knocks only once, or not at all, or on the wrong door, I’m perplexed. When love will not show up in the places I seek it, I loose heart. But I refuse to be a child throwing temper tantrums when the world doesn’t spin according to my liking. I’m made for more than whining.

Am I completely without love? Have I never experienced kindness from a stranger or a friend? Has no one ever given me a chance in life? It may not come from who I want or in the ways that I want it, but here it is, in its own form. I can choose to reject it, but rather than discounting those things I’ve been given, I’m going to embrace whatever I can until my own dreams materialize. I have to thank my friends, family, and strangers for their unexpected kindness and love. It is worth something, after all.

3) Continue to Hope
Pay bills or live the dream? That’s always the choice, right? And it’s so easy to fall into a routine of monotony, especially when the necessities of life take over the desires of your heart. Our spirits long to find their place as we wander through the world. Some people seem to know instinctively where they belong. They follow a straight path, ride on the wheels of their strengths, and never seem to run out of gas. They’ve found their joy in life. Whether it’s homemaking, accounting, or digging wells in Africa, they’ve found their life’s work.

Some of us are still searching for our purpose. Maybe we know what we’re made to do, but our path seems to lead away from what we feel inside. Maybe we don’t know exactly where we belong, but we know we don’t belong here. We’re desperately hanging on to hope while trying to survive, struggling to break free, wondering when our chance will come… I’m reminded of the Beatles song, “Blackbird.” All my life, I feel as if I too am “only waiting for this moment to arise!” But that’s the trouble, waiting. Patience is a virtue — more than that, an ideal!

I’m the impatient driver, deftly switching lanes to beat the red light, and now I’m telling myself to wait for my moment to arise? What do I do in the meantime? Whatever I can. I am not the architect of this world. I may push the button to go up the elevator knowing what floor I want to get to or merely knowing I must go up, but my impatience won’t speed the gears. I must wait for the telling “ding,” for the doors to open, for the elevator to be clear of obstacles. THEN I can get on, and again wait to reach my destination. Until then, I do what I can, and hope my elevator gets here sooner rather than later.

Already, this year has been full of stress and troubles that I haven’t felt competent to deal with. It’s hard to imagine that thinking about it can really change my situation. But maybe it can change me.

Being positive does start with the mind, but the proof shows up in your actions. Thinking positive means nothing if you can’t get up in the morning and go to work with a smile on your face. Yes, you work in IT support, but you’re also an indie filmmaker. Yes, you walk dogs, but you’re also a motor racer . Yes, you work for a bank but you’re still a musician. Thinking positive means more than wishing for the dream. Being positive means walking toward it, step by step, dabbling, planning, hoping, waiting, and never giving up.

Until next time, whistle while you work and work while you wait.
~TNJ